So I ordered some lingerie

Lingerie

I love buying my lingerie in person. Only once I've gone to an actual clothes shop and bought two pairs of g-strings, one pair still remains in use, the other got so cummy that I had to throw it away... Another time I ordered from a Finnish sex shop online, because they had a lovely selection, even though I couldn't be perfectly sure of the fit.

All the other times I've gone to a porn shop, wandered around in evergrowing lust, which is, as we all know, incredibly dangerous to your bank balance! Funnily enough the porn shops in the centre of Helsinki are few in numbers and even worse in their lingerie selection as far as my very personal taste is concerned.

That forced me to try something else out. Something that had a potential of incredible variety of selection, with a varying set of attributes I could filter stuff out, like "colour" and "size: XL" as I'm not a small girl, especially in women's sizes XD I guess you all know where I went - Amazon. The sheer amount of redness made my head spin and I had the typical problem: so much that I wanted, so little I could safely hide. Instead of maxing out my credit card I opted for a single set of hotness.

My loot

Red corset with garter belt and a thong and thigh-high socks. Simply amazing! I just cannot make it look as sexy as this blonde model here... but that's all right by me, I'm not doing this for anyone else's pleasure but my own. Though I am dying to show it off to some fellow sissies...

The thought of taking off my outer layer of stupid, useless male clothing, revealing Johanna underneath, is just so hot that I get an instant hard-on. Right now I just don't have anyone to show it to live. Or I could, technically, but I'm me so it's not that easy and simple ;)

Horny again with new desires

Something like this

Well, it's not a 100% accurate depiction but I do believe it gives you a fairly good clue, don't you think? ;)

I'd love to be her in that situation but wearing some whore-red lingerie <3 And who knows what other tiny changes. The main idea is there, anyway, and that's what matters.

Fuck, I'm so horny again... Mmmmmmmmmh!

What I am anyway?

I was thinking of this whole "sissy" business yesterday evening for some reason. My conclusion was that some parts of it are more than awesome for me and some just aren't. That means that I'll do what I do as always and if someone gets offended or annoyed by it, it's not my problem in the least :)

Generally

As so many other deeply closeted crossdressers, I do this stuff on occasion. I'm not a full-time crossdresser or anything, I can't be and that's how it goes. Dressing up is something I do because I love it and how it makes me feel. But I don't always even feel like dressing up even if I had the chance.


Funnily enough when I write these posts and do anything online as Johanna I am and feel girly. Even if I do it at work where I most definitely don't wear my porny lingerie. Usually ;) Anyway, Johanna is a state of mind among other things. I kinda giggle by myself and so on. I'm not sure if I can even describe it, maybe someone does things that way and knows what I mean? I hope so at least :)


Anyway. My both sides are completely detached from each other as far as I can tell. My male-me doesn't giggle or do girly things. That's what Johanna does, she's that kind of a girl. And damn, she's a fucking lot naughtier than the other side! It's pretty amazing to realize :p

When the closet's door is shut

In my everyday male mode I don't think anyone could guess what I do on my rare free time. Or maybe I show up as a bright blip in someone's gaydar. Wouldn't know because no one's ever told me anything. 
Somehow I'd find it very interesting to hear what someone could say about me. For example, what a transgirl or a homosexual sees in my behaviour - if I betray myself (in a manner of speaking) by checking 'em out or anything. But I don't know anyone so I can't really go and ask. And if I knew, I don't think I'd dare to ask because that might give me out already. Damn, this is complicated! :p

This is definitely what I want to achieve!

Sissyness and how it sounds to me

Do stop me if this is pointless and stupid, I don't mind and I realize that I have a habit of rambling on. My point is that I'm trying to sort my thoughts out and if someone wants to comment on it, please, feel free! I'm more than interested in hearing you out :) Some of these things I've already mentioned in my earlier posts, but that happens because I'm iterating through my thoughts and feelings. Maybe I get something new about something and the repetition gives the reader some context, if for some sick reason they hadn't memorized everything I say ;)

Yay!

Ok, so sissies are submissive. That's how I feel when I'm dressed up, I want to submit myself. 
Slutty? Not all sissies are sluts, I think, but many are. Being a slut is something that arouses and intrigues me quite a bit, so yeah, that's a definite thing for me.
Hmm. Now that I think of it, is there anything else that I love in the sissy thing? Besides the obvious girlyness and the aforementioned huge turn-ons of mine... I dunno.

Meh

I think that the number one "I'm not too interested in that " part in every sissy thing I've read / seen is the enforced chastity, often with a cage. Yes, I do realize that for some or most sissies that's the thing but hey, it doesn't appeal to me. And I don't do stuff that I'm not interested in on my free time - I've got a job for that purpose :p 
One other thing in this sissy business seems to be that the Significant Other knows about it and controls the sissy's sexual life or the lack of it. Obviously, being in a distant corner of Narnia myself, that's out of the question. So in a way I'm missing a huge part of the submissive part because it's just how I have to do things.

Results

I'm going to cherry-pick what I like and drop what I don't like. Ha! And because labeling people and their doings is a bit useless in this world of ours where everyone's different, I don't think it makes any sense at all.  So in the end I keep doing what I do and I keep enjoying it, no matter what people call it. As long as I have fun, it's all cool, isn't it? :)


So I'll dress up as I want to and if I get to play with other cd-gurls or even tgirls, it'll go how it goes - I refuse to do things I don't want to and I'll try to do things I'd love to do. Consenting adults and all that <3


Kisses to anyone who bothered to read this :*

Wish I looked this hot :)

I love red

Everyone who knows me knows that red lingerie does things to me... There's nothing I can do about it and there's nothing I want to do about it, either. I enjoy it. I love it.

Red is perfect

So here's some pics I've encountered. I wish, I really wish I knew who these people are ;)

In case something's photoshopped and not real: I don't mind, these pics are wonderful anyway <3

An odd chat with an anonymous guy

Straight to the point

One day last week I happened to get a couple of pm's from a random dude in a nordic service I am a member of. All his profile revealed was his age (41), nothing else, as it usually goes... He went straight to business, asking if I wanted to do the nasty with him. I don't mind that kind of an approach, btw, it's refreshing in a way, honest:P

My usual issues

Of course, being shy, I didn't just promise anything, but I told that I'm shy and all that. Because I am very shy and very, very reserved about these things. And this guy was just a generic "user icon" with an age, nothing else. I mean, what kind of a profile is that to begin with?

Oh well, I shall not complain about that now.

He urged me to talk so I did. I told him what I'd love to be able to do with another (dicked) person. He didn't get disencouraged by it, which excited me. Even after my multiple warnings about not looking girly or anything, he wanted to hear more so I indulged him :) I was getting pretty horny already so I got dressed up and worked on myself while telling him what I crawed for.

Fantasizing

As I've written here before, I want to be a slut. Should we meet, I'd dress up in my sluttiest outfit for him: long socks attached to garters, a tight corselet and a supersexy g-string.... Oh yes... Just as I was telling him, I got hard just by thinking of all that, not to mention that I was sharing these desires with someone. Even if he was a complete namesless stranger.

That outfit would be hidden under my everyday clothing, I'd go to whatever private place already dressed up so all I'd have to do would be to drop my covers and be revealed in all my sluttiness. I'd show myself all around for him to enjoy, hoping he'd like what he sees.

Not my pic, I don't wear pink and I'm a bit different-looking anyway ;)

Should he like me as I am, I'd be a very, very happy girl ;)

I'd go an all fours, crawling towards him like an obedient slutservant, then lower his trousers... I'd find his bulge and give the head of his still somewhat relaxed dick a gentle kiss through his underwear. That he'd like and I'd teasingly pull down his underwear, revealing a slowly but steadily growing cock <3

"That sounds very hot" he said to me, "please tell more"
Mmmmmmmmmhhhhh... I just loved to hear that. So I told him more about what I'd love to do:

The head would get another gentle, shy kiss from me. And another. And another. I'd play with his balls and lick all around his growing cock and smooth balls while his erection gets harder. My own cock would be hard and precum would be flowing, I'd be horny beyond reason <3

I'd take the whole hard cock in my mouth, lick it, suck it, stroke it and do generally whatever pleases him. While pleasing his cock I'd look him in the eyes so I could see him enjoy my doings.

An awful anticlimax

Then he just disappeared. No more communications, nothing. Thanks. I guess he didn't like my idea at all :|

*sigh* What could I do with that kind of people? Nothing really. One just has to bear it, I guess.

Self-help to the rescue

So I browsed for some hot ts-porn (ashemaletube.com is a wonderful, wonderful site for a cd-girl in need) and enjoyed myself properly <3 I keep dreaming that I get to do some 69 with another horny cd-girl someday soon <3

Someday... but preferably wearing red

Enjoyment

The last time I told about the things I bought to replace my purged collection. At that point I hadn't done much more than quickly trying them out, but a while I ago I had a good week for enjoying them to the fullest ;)

Preparation
To begin with I was getting in the mood by enjoying certain google+ content, you know, stories and pics. I also got my hands on a few tranny porn films, one of them by my all-time favourite shemale star Paloma Longo (or Paloma Baradiso, she's used a few names)! To my great enjoyment I found out that VLC can take screencaps, too, so I took a good bunch so I could share them around :) Sadly g+ policies are such that they flagged them all as 'inappropriate' :/ Meh.

But I digress.

So I checked quickly through the vids to see which ones are the best (if any) and to decide which to pay more attention to ;) When I had my choices made, I was pretty damn well in the mood ;) I crankedthe volume up and had Paloma's video playing...

Getting started
With Paloma doing some very nice things to Whatever Hisnameis and moaning excitingly, I got undressed. First I put on the garter belt, then the long black socks. Obviously the next part was the garters, click clack they went. On top of I put on the g-strings that were a tiny bit too tight but the tightness felt kinda good... They kept my cock tightly in place, so tightly it almost hurt a bit.

Getting it on
Being so restricted feels sexy and after a while of just watching sweet Paloma sucking cock and then being fucked was becoming too much for me. I slipped my swelling cock out of the g-string thong and grabbed the three rings. The first one went around the base, feeling nicely tight already <3 Then the second one went around my balls and the last one down the shaft, in front of the sack. I felt horny, somewhat slutty and my cock was leaking precum already and I hadn't really even done anything yet! <3

Not wearing a corselet was something I missed a lot, those things add a lot to the slutty feeling ;) But what could I do about that at this point? Nothing. I kept watching and listening to my porn, fondling myself and getting to the edge very, very quickly. Somehow I managed to control myself and I stopped for a while.
You all know where this is heading, don't you? ;)

Getting to the edge
At this point I changed the video to something Italian. It, too, was very enjoyable :) While watching it I kept fondling my balls, my ass and myself in general, trying to avoid my cock itself for the most of the time. I wanted to keep myself running hot but not too hot. Precum was flowing again in sexy quantities. Oh yes...

And getting off
I kept doing this for about an hour, which is much longer I've ever managed before :P When I was really blinded by my lust I switched Paloma on again ;) While looking at her sucking a cock I wanted a cock in my mouth, too... when she got one in her tight ass I wanted to be fucked, too. At that moment I just didn't have the toys to help me with that and I was alone, so I couldn't get the cock I desired :(

<3 How could anyone resist her? <3

With sweet, cute, sexy-as-fuck Paloma being plowed for who knows how manieth time that evening I was on the edge again, this time I just couldn't turn back anymore. One hand was caressing my balls, the other gently pointing my dick at my face, I could feel the tingle inside me. I opened my mouth, extended my tongue and bent at my hard, precummy cock... Then, with some ball-fondling and very gentle stroking I came like a thousand cannons <3 Shooting cum on my face, in my mouth, on my neck and chest. It was so good I shuddered afterwards.

Oh, how I wish I could've shared that with another CD or a transgender <3

Some new thoughts

New thoughts - to me at least
Since my last post I've had a couple of interesting chats with interesting CD/trans people :) Talking about stuff (interests, for example) with a fellow crossdresser or a transperson is something I've never got to do before.  But now that I've done that and intend to keep doing, it's very valuable.

Uneducated and shy
I'm the first one to admit that I have no clue about many of these things that LGBT people talk about, like the endless amount of acronyms and whatnot. Many of them are things I haven't heard of before or that I haven't even thought of. That happens.

I guess my first reaction to many of these things is some sort of reserved nervousness. "I don't think that's for me..." It may be a very natural and normal response to anyone who's just discovering him/herself. I'm in that group of people, while being very deep in my closet. But semianonymous chatting with likeminded person lights up things very nicely and opens my mind somewhat :)

Just because I feel like it, I'll say what I think or feel about a couple of these things I've talked and  heard about. If anyone has any sort of comments or input on these, please, have at it :) I'm more than interested in interacting with you!

S&M
This is the topic that "scares" me the most. Or to be more exact, I have lots of reservations against this because most I know is somewhat hardcore stuff to me. And I'm just a shy home-crossdresser who hasn't been doing anything too weird in his/her life... Apart from what I mentioned in my last post, of course. But I don't think that's anything "far out" :)

Anyway, I don't know much about the whole S&M genre besides the obvious: sadism + masochism. Personally I'm not a fan of pain - neither in the giving or receiving end. Well, maybe some light spanking would be something I'd be willing to try on the receiving end ;) Especially if combined with the next topic.

Bondage
Maybe this would belong under the previous category, but I decided to separate it for my own convenience. The point is: full-on bondage doesn't really appeal to me either. You know this kind of stuff when people are totally wrapped in ropes and stuff, or whatnot. What intrests me slightly is being lightly tied down, maybe handcuffed. Just so that I can't move too much and I'd be under the control of my mistress, who's another crossdresser or a transgender lady <3
Yeah, I'd be one happy tied bottom for a sexy mistress.

Sissy? Maybe I am
I first heard of this a while ago and I'm not too sure of what the hell it contains. Apparently it's some kind of form of erotic humiliation where a dude's dressed up as a girl (I like it already!). If that's supposed to be a punishment in BSDM games, I don't see it as a punishment at all, but a reward ;) Being dressed as a slutty girl and being told to do things (I'm assuming and hoping they're sexual favors to the mistress) sounds really hot to me and I'm all for that.

If I'm completely wrong about these things, please do rectify me. I don't want to be or remain ignorant :)

Fetishes - I don't think I have any
There are so many fetishes that I can't do more than comment on some things. I know that I have a thing for lingerie, especially red lingerie <3 Certain types of shoes/tall boots are very sexy, but they're not a thing I require. So maybe I don't really have a fetish of any sort. As far as I know there's nothing that I need to have to go off, some things just arouse me a lot more than others.

Some people apparently enjoy playing with bodily wastes, but that's certainly not for me :p I take sperm and that's it ;)

That's it for this time, let's see when I have something else to say and what the hell it will be... Until then: ciao!