January is ending

I just realized that it's the end of January already. That came as a surprise because I've been so fucking busy...

No girlygurly fun. No crossdressing. No cocksucking. Nothing for Johanna, nothing at all. So far 2016 has sucked badly for me.

The photo above shows what toys I had for my glorious week. Then I had to get rid of all of it. Yeah, you read correctly: I had to purge again :'(

Maybe things will get better :) I sure hope they do :)

Complaining really helped

Wow! Complaining seems to have helped me. Things started moving at a scary pace and now I'm facing my short freedom. I could almost hold my breath until its beginning now!

Lingerie!

Of course I arranged some things, with care, so that I could pop by a couple of select boutiques over a couple of afternoons. Now I own lingerie again! Not just those black panties but a corselet, stayups and .. hm, a couple of other things. I even bought a wig from a costume shop! That doesn't make me look girly enough but that's life of a not-girly guy, right?

Once I had all my stuff (so far, mind you, I'm not done yet!) bought I managed to try them out. It was rushed and all but still, I was turned on so hard it wasn't even funny anymore. What I was could only be described horrrrrny as fuck <3 I wore my tight panties, the corselet, stay-ups and the wig. Mmmmmmh :)

A teaser

Now I just need to wait a bit so I get to enjoy all this with ample time, without any rush. And I'm gonna need some more stuff as I hinted before. Cockrings and two more toys at least. Then we're good to go for something at least. Oh, and t-porn, gigabytes of t-porn, there's no going around that requirement for good girly time ;) Maybe I'll even get a real (not a smartphone) camera handy... teeheehee :)

Uh-oh

My plans are not as secure as I had thought. We'll see how things proceed, but... I fear for them. Fuck this shit already, I want certainty, not endless yes-no-maybes!

Playtime at work

Yeah, I am a naughty girl and play at work, so what? ;) Last week I enjoyed myself immensely. I came to work wearing my panties. Then, as soon as there was a nicely quiet moment, I sneaked to ring and plug myself and take photos ;) Yes, I am teasing or trying to tease you and not showing any pics in the blog! >:)

Out of the eight hours I spent about six plugged in. I mostly chatted with other horny cds and cd lovers, listened to porn and all that stuff. Horny, hard and eager for cock.

Needless to say, I didn't achieve much work-related that day, but hey, we all have those days, don't we? ;) Before I left home I went and came like the old faithful itself. That was simply beautiful. It's just a crying shame I was at work so I didn't dare to cum all over my face and body but instead did it cleanly...

New possibilities, maybe

This will all be just speculation and maybes. You have been warned.

The difficulties of staying in the closet

I've complained plentily that I haven't got much, if any, time to play nowadays. There's no acceptably good hideout for lingerie and toys, either. Therefore I only own a single butt plug, cockring and g-string. Even they aren't in as safe a hideout as I'd like them to be.

While I'm talking about nonexistent hideouts, I'm talking about practical ones. Of course there'd be something near perfect, but then I would be facing the problem of hiding and unhiding my things and that wouldn't be quick. Thanks to the hideyness. And that would be even worse for my limited time to play gurly things.

An ancient photo of mine

Time is of the essence

Let's say that at best I could have something like 40 minutes to spend on this naughty hobby of mine, a random amount of times a month. Could be none, could be three, but incredibly rarely even five. So, very low numbers.

If I spent fifteen minutes to get my stuff from the perfectest of hideouts and drag it home, later on another fifteen to return everything back. In addition to that I would also need to set everything up, have my fun, undo and clean what needs to be cleaned. Everything else could be timed, I guess, except the playtime and doing that on the clock, thinking "I've got two minutes until I have to start packing up"... highly un-arousing, don't you think? ;)

So there: practically impossible. And it is quite depressing, not being able to be myself. I guess it's how it goes deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside the closet.

Another ancient photo of mine

Potential

Things are uncertain. Nothing is guaranteed. These declarations apply to life in general, as everyone knows, I guess. But still, maybe, maybe I have a whole week almost completely for myself next year!

Yeah, I know. Being happy about a semiopen week sometime next year is quite sad. But it's also the best I've faced in a handful of years. So I'll be most eagerly jumping in, if I can!

I guarantee you that if that happens, I'll get a full setup for myself. Even if I have to throw it all away after that maybe-week. It'd be so worth it and more :)

Planning already

My shopping list (that I have started setting up already) includes the usuals. A corselet with or without garters, a garter belt if needed, thigh-high stockings, a rio g-string if findable. Everything in whore-red. Or red-black, if needed. Or anything else, if it looks hot and delicious to me. This time I'd go for a wig, too, as my own hair isn't up to gurl standards by any measure :P
Heels are something I've never tried and finding a pair (in proper colour, size 42) would most likely be beyond my possibilities, but if I came across any, I'd get those as well. And a toy or three to go with them ;)

When would I know? I have no idea. Maybe by next week's Friday, maybe in May. But I promise you this: when I know, I'll let my friends online know ;) Even if I have to tell that "it's cancelled :<"

Yeah.... oh yeah!

Toyshopping

I did buy a buttplug and some cockrings becaues I desired them so badly... To make things even more interesting, I've worn them at work too. So very naughty and so very exciting ;)

First go

I was chatting online with another girlie and I told her that I had taken my brand-spanking-new plug with me just so I could tell her about it. She was excatic and urged me to plug myself asap! Circumstances being what they were, I had to wait and then it took time.

First, of course, I went to the bathroom with my heart in my throat. Locked all doors I could lock and took quietly my shoes and pants off. With my own saliva I lubricated the plug and as it has a suction cup in the bottom, put its tip against my moistened hole and the other end onto the wall. Leaning forward and pushing backward I was first penetrated and then filled up slowly and deliciously.



Maybe you can imagine how difficult it was to keep noises down ;) Of course I didn't just push it straight in but fucked it inside me, feeling very slutty. Especially when my buttcheeks hit the wall repeatedly. When I felt it was enough for the time being, I pulled up my g-string and headed back to my place, walking slowly and carefully.

And then...

I then told her and she loved to hear about it and was so turned on that I did such a thing for her. Took pics, even, but I'm not sharing all that here... At some point I noticed that I could take the plug out a bit and ride it on my chair. As long as no one would notice! That was sweet and damn sexy. My lady friend got so heated up in the end that she went for her own plug and panties and was making them wet with precum within minutes!

Finally, after a lenghty and naughty chat session we both headed towards our toilets for release. Myself, I first backed up against the wall and refucked myself with my plug and then sat on the toilet seat, facing backwards, riding the plug like mad! I had at first tried to put on my cockrings, but after putting on the largest one around my sack, the next one that's supposed to go to the base of the shaft, barely went over the head... So I had to leave 2/3 of my rings off.

Didn't matter, I came like the oldest of the faithfuls <3 Took a bit to clean up my mess but I was the second to last to leave work that day, it was safe. Phew.

Just so you know, I'm plugged, cockringed and wearing my precummy black g-string right now while I'm writing this. And telling you is such a turn-on ;)

Workplace naughtiness increases

Yeah... I'm wearing my g-string at work yet again. I love it.
Now I just feel like I should be plugged, too. But I don't own a plug because for some stupid reason I didn't buy one when I bought these knickers. I guess I'm just stupid or I didn't think I'd get to this again.
I was wrong.

Something like this could be very nice ;)

I'm horny. I need things, badly. Right now.

A couple of items I got

Hello everyone :) As I said in my earlier post, I did go for some quick shopping. Actually it was the same afternoon! Because I didn't have much time and the weather was awful, I could only visit one sex shop. One.
That shop had been a very good source of toys and outfits before but it had recently changed ownership. Somehow only the outfit racks were noticeably affected... to a slightly worse status.

Shopping round going wrong
So I went to the shop and strolled around, as shyly as always. Somehow, even if I know that no one's paying attention to me because they have their own business to attend to, I feel shy. Shy and excited. Walking around interesting items and very nice looking sexy outfits turns me on visibly.

Yeah, I have a hardon most of the time, what can I do? :P There weren't many other customers anyway, so it didn't matter much. I kept going around, searching.

Naturally as I had composed my list just before, I knew what kind of stuff I was looking for. None of those exact items were findable! Absolutely none of them and this is one of the biggest sex shops in the city (I think). I was somewhat disappointed. No red sexy lingerie in the whole place. How can that happen? For real?

A fellow xdresser was around <3
During my wandering I noticed that someone came out of the "special" door in the back. Wearing a silvery vinyl miniskirt and a top, a curious hairdo and makeup. It didn't take too many milliseconds to realize that she was like me but in action. She went straight to some toys, close to where I was. She smelled of of lubricant and that got both my mind and blood racing :D Being my shy self I was admiring her from afar and after a way too short while at the toy rack she went back in.

I've never been there myself, though what I've heard and read it's a place where older men stroll around afternoon and younger people go in the evening. Among other things. Had I had the time (and the daring), I'd gone after her to see what she was up to. Looking at her disappearing ass I was wishing I dared to do the same, to dress up and go somewhere... But, in the end, I'm a shy coward :(

A hasty backup set
My time was somewhat limited so I couldn't stay there all day and I wanted, no, needed to get something. I went through the aisles again, looking for similar stuff that was close enough to what I had daydreamed about. Somehow they didn't seem to have a single set of corselets, which I found really confusing. None of the bodies looked hot to me, so I had to give up that part for now. In the end I found a small set that consisted of a black vinyl garter with straps and black long socks. Not bad, not bad. To accompany that set I went for a black thong. Black is almost as good as red, but it still isn't red.

The accessory department
I skipped the butt plug shelves completely because on my initial round I hadn't seen anything I really, really liked. So to the accessories I went. They had a few different types of cockrings. Some of those I had tried but disliked a lot for various reasons. Of course they didn't have the thing I had wanted, that'd been a bit too nice I guess :P In the end I decided to give a try to those triple rings. Three separate rings made of semirigid material. The one I had wanted would've had two so I thought that I could use two out of three and achieve the result I wanted, no? I got that so I can say I've tried.

These items I bought and took home with me. I unpacked them with trembling hands and took a couple of pics so I could share what I got. And then I tried them out :)

I felt good in the garter and socks, but the thong was a bit on the tight side for me... Which is a huge pity. Not that I keep them completely on for long, anyway ;) The rings weren't too bad, I just have to learn how to use them properly. There are a couple of photos I managed to take before I got carried away and made a huge mess on my body ;)


Someday I'll go and get some more lingerie to go with that garter of mine. And I guess I must get a new thong as well... I just hope and dream I'd get to wear them with someone. A someone who's also dressed up like a slut <3

I want to go shopping!

As I said earlier, my collection was purged away. Both lingerie and toys. *sigh* Such is life and it happens... sadly. And it has happened to me a couple of times over the years, it may happen again, who knows?

The initial list contents
Everyone knows that one of the important aspects of shopping for anything (grocery shopping is a very good example), you should have a list. Without a proper list you may forget to buy what you wanted and buy stuff you didn't really need or even want in the first place.

I'll start the list-making process by thinking of what I want and need. There's no way I'll get all of that on one go, so this needs to be simple. Hmmm...
Well, lingerie is obviously the thing for me, so it goes on the list ;) Of course I'll need a toy or two to go with it, so there you go too! Cockrings are something I adore and enjoy, so I'll add it to the list as well as some lube.

• Lingerie
• Toys
• Accessories

Iterating through the list
The only problem with this list is that "lingerie" is a somewhat broad concept, so I'll need to open it a bit, otherwise I'll have a warderobeful that I can't store anywhere. Hihi :) No matter how much I enjoy that idea, it's not feasible.
So far I've found corselets very sexy and comfy. I like them a lot more than plain (although cute) bras, for example. Most of the corselets I know have the garter straps included, but if they don't, a garter belt would be needed. Yesssss... Obviously the garter straps need to be attached to something, thigh-high socks preferably. I love those things, too. All of them, at the same time. It's just a wonderful combination: a corselet, garters and thigh socks. Mmmmmmm..

I had one of these sets before, it's wonderful

Hmmmh. Something's missing...

Oh yes! The g-string! I'm not such a fan of garter belts with an attached thong-part, I like them all as separate entities that build the complete setup. A nice g-string to go with the rest, that'll do <3 And the dominating color shall be red <3 Let's see what I've managed to write down so far, shall we?

• Lingerie, red, size L (Eur)
  
  • A corselet
  • Garter belt if needed
    
    
  • G-String
    
    
  • Thigh-high socks
    
    
    
• Toys
• Accessories

While the list is not ready...
That's fine by me, most definitely fine. Next thing to be checked is the "toys" section. There are several things I'd like to have but I may have to take it easy... just like with my lingerie. What could be the bare essentials?

Wisened from my previous experiences, I don't think I'll dare to go for a dildo again :P It was almost the size of my own cock and damn if I could get anything in... This time I shall keep to a different, smaller, type of penetrators. But not as tiny as some of the things I had before. A not-minuscule buttplug could be a very, very interesting thing. I could keep it in while doing other things... Sounds good to me. Especially if it vibrates. With many programs.

Maybe...

This one has 10 programs but I've never found it in a shop myself...

One thing's certain: I love things that go bzZZzrrrrzzzZZZrzrzrzrzZZZ! in random ways instead of just one constant, even numbing BZZZZZZZZ. That preference of mine makes it a bit difficult sometimes, though. So I'll add two items on the list: a plug for wearing and vibrator for lust-buildup. Yeah, that works just nicely for me ;)

• Lingerie, red, size L (Eur)
  
  • A corselet
  • Garter belt if needed
  • G-String
  • Thigh-high socks
• Toys
  
  • Buttplug, medium-small
  • Buzzing multiprog vibrator
• Accessories

Handle the next item
Accessories are easy peasy. I want, need and require a cockring! There's no way around it. One bored afternoon at work I was checking for online stores and noticed that the selections vary heavily. I've tried a few different types: those you tighten yourself, solid plastic rings, many different silicone rings and a weird sleeve. They don't work in my use too well, as I've said before.
If the thing goes around the shaft only, it's not as cool as something that goes around the balls as well. The usual solution seems to be a metallic thing, no thanks or similar. I like the silicone ones for some reason. Some of the ball-touching rings do some stretching as well and it didn't look comfy at all :S Maybe they are just what I'd enjoy but I don't know and I'm a bit reserved about such things.
But luckily I found a silicone double-ring somewhere and I want it! I need it! :D

The vibrator is completely unnecessary

What else? Lube, that's also needed, but that's simple and doesn't require heavy pondering :) Last time I had a fake mouth (a cheap fleshlight-like thing) for some good old-fashioned meat-hiding, now I'm not sure if  a new one is needed... I've had a couple of different types, none of them has been too special. Meh.

• Lingerie, red, size L (Eur)
  
  • A corselet
  • Garter belt if needed
  • G-String
  • Thigh-high socks
• Toys
  
  • Buttplug, medium-small
  • Buzzing multiprog vibrator
• Accessories
  
  • Cock and balls ring
  • Lube

And it's done!
Yay, the list is done! Now I just need to find all this...

New year, new plans and some old thoughts and feelings shared for the first time

Happy 2012, everyone!

Sadness
There are a couple of pics I took a couple of months ago but I haven't got the courage to post them yet. As I guess many if not all have experieced it, I went and Purged after that set of photos :( I have to clarify that I was in no way ashamed or regretful of what I am and what I do, the reason was purely practical: moving.

Being in a relationship and living in a not-so-huge apartment presents certain problems regarding my crossdressing. I guess you know how it goes :) So, because we're moving, I knew that I might end up being caught and I sure as hell am not ready for that yet. Maybe I never will be ready to come out.

That's the main reason. I don't want to get caught.
My secondary reason is that my outfits were a bit on the dirty side after many, many uses. The toys were also pretty much used and some of them broken... all my cockrings were made of this soft, stretchy material and each and every one of them have broken. I guess the way I use them is a bit rough on them :P And my only real dildo was a bit too big for me and I never got it in, so it was a bit of a useless item for me :(

Too much information?
I've said it before and will keep saying it: I dress up because I like it. I feel sexy as fuck and just thinking of putting on a g-string makes me hard as fuck, very, very quickly... Whenever I dress up, I prance around, ogle at my lingeried body in the mirror and enjoy it thoroughly. There's always some nice trans-porn (crossdressers, bisexual orgies and all sorts of transpeople together or separately) playing on the background, mostly for the sounds. Hearing people please each other while feeling and looking sexy myself is an even bigger turn-on. In a way I'm just building up my horniness.

Sometimes, when I feel like it, I take out my tripod and a camera for some photos. If I don't feel like the hassle, I just take a couple of pics with my phone. Somehow that also makes me hornier. A lot hornier.

This is all some sort of self-teasing I guess. Maybe others do stuff like this, maybe almost everyone. Maybe just a few of us. I wouldn't know :) It's all about building up the feeling, I want to be horny as fuck and look and feel super slutty.

The feeling I go for
If, at this point, I had someone there with me, I'd be up for just about anything... I'd beg for cock. I'd serve my master. I'd swallow his cum and I'd ride his throbbing cock with the greatest of pleasures. Damn, I'd be a slut for a bunch of guys!
Yeah, I desire to be a slut for a (small) group of guys. I know and acknowledge that this is purely from all the porn I've watched ;) You know how it goes, one in the mouth, then I have two hands and an ass, so four dudes could be somehow serviced at the same time <3 And this is one of the what I fantasize about when I'm dressed up, watching/listenting to some awesome hardcore porn. Either a group or just a single someone, a dude or another crossdresser or a real pre-op transsexual, I don't care who, as long as they or (s)he wants me. And who want me as badly as I want to be theirs for taking.

But...
Because I'm just playing with myself, I put on a cock ring, twist it so that it goes like a figure of eight, one loop around my ballsack and the other wrapping the shaft of my hard cock. The tightness feels wonderful and it arouses me even more. Then I get my toys and lube. I used to start with a thin anal buzzer with ~7 modes. Usually I had it on random. It was for extra arousal, and for "opening" me a bit. Meanwhile I was sucking on the dildo or the next anal toy, making it sloppy and ready for insertion. That was a small transparent penis-shaped thingy with a boring vibrator (it was just a solid "bzzz", without any programs or variation). That I used to fuck myself a bit, slowly and carefully.
At this point I am usually almost blind with lust and I can't really take it slowly anymore... Usually I just had to beat off furiously and come on myself.

Highlights
Sometimes I've managed to hold on. My latest toy was a black "anal screw", a ~12cm long wobbly carrot-shaped thing with screw-things (I don't actually know how to call them in english) on the surface and a ring-shaped handle in the end. That one loved to be drilled in slooooooooowly... and then pulled out just to be drilled back in. All the way. It felt wonderful. The only complaint I have is that it had no vibrator because it was a bit too soft (as in non-rigid) to be used as a dildo, because it bent so easily. So I couldn't fuck myself with it in a rapid fashion. If I got to keep doing that for a while, I occasionally came explodingly just because of it, without touching my dick at all.

Depending on how I felt and how stretchy I was feeling, I tried to go for some autofellatio. Seeing a hard cock in front of me, with a porny g-string and socks connected to a garter belt is a very, very hot thing.. even if it's my own cock and outfit ;) I'd of course love to have someone else's body, but what can you do in a closet? :P Autofellatio, when I've done it, has been pretty curious. Usually I just stroke it, fondle the balls, lick the glans, suck it and lick the shaft itself a bit. The position is just a bit uncomfy so I've never treated me to it that often. Depending on how I feel, I come either in my mouth - and swallow everything, of course - or on my face or chest. The more tired I am, the lower I shoot, because I may not be able to keep my position long enough. At least it doesn't get boring ;) Whenever I've shot my load on my chest/belly, I usually smear the cum around and keep stroking a bit, to milk every single drop out.

Endgame
When I've finally come, I generally lose the lust pretty much quickly. I don't know how to call it, but it's a shame it happens and usually so quickly and always way too soon. I'd love to just lie there, feeling full in my ass and satisfied... maybe keep at it for a second round even... But no, when the lust and horniness withdraw, I kinda want to get clean quickly. That may have something to do with the fact that I don't want to make a mess on the sofa, not to get caught of having sperm stains all around.
Maybe the next time I have a good free evening or a day even, I build up my sluttiness again and choose a better place (or cover up better) so I could enjoy the after-the-orgasm moments a bit more, in peace and with time :) But then again, I'd need new outfits and toys for that... many new outfits and toys... :D

Future plans
My old favourite porn shop in Helsinki (Beate Uhse) has closed its doors in its old location for some unexplained reason and I don't think they have moved anywhere else, so I don't have much hope for shopping there in the near future... And the others don't have as awesome a collection, though the Yellow Rose isn't bad at all, but it's still so different. Maybe Amazon helps me with its "this is a gift"-shipping and discreet boxes? I have to check :) I've got direct mail from a porn shop once and that wasn't fun at all.

A promise or two to be more exact
I'll promise to do my best to gather all my courage. To post a pic or two here. In case anyone cared, that is :) As my second promise I say that I'll update this blog a bit better this year <3