A six-month abscence

Friends!

Anyone who's been in contact with me over the years knows how I'm available. Randomly and at semirandom hours. That's normal, I guess, with work and time spent as my male self. All of us cds have to balance with these things :)

I got a new job last year. One of the biggest and weirdest things is that this new job occasionally takes me to places for short stints. This upcoming stint isn't the first one but it's deffo the longest so far. Six motherfucking months. Abroad.

So what?

So... yeah. I really don't know what. I can't guarantee getting online at all as myself during this period and I won't even try to take my few pieces of lingerie with me for the trip. I'm not sure what the other side offers, if there's even a slight chance of doing anything girly or am I doomed to just be a dude all the time.

I really don't know.
But know this: I miss you, my dear contacts :* And I'll be back more eager to play as Johanna than in ages, for obvious reasons ;)

2017 in retrospect

My 2017 was a bit weird. Busy as fuck, as you may have guessed :D But I also did some scary but awesome shit for the first time in my life. None of it went like in my #fantasies posts, but that's why they're fantasies and not real life, right? :)

So. I'll slit my stories in a few posts so they're kinda more sensemaking and less wall of texty and I believe you all appreciate it somehow. That just means that the juicier posts have to be waited for as this won't have any actual smut ;)

Three times a lady

At some point last spring or summer I got contacted by another girl by email. We exchanged a good number of mails just talking about crap, we seemed to have a lot in common. I raised my concern of not having slutty outfits nor space for them so I only had g-strings and nothing else. She said if I wanted I could borrow hers! Nice!

Then at some point she asked if I would feel like meeting in person. This was, as you may imagine, fucking scary. But I answered "yes" to my great shock :D

Then we started somehow planning on how to meet, where and when. Luckily it was summertime and I had some good slack at work so I could do a "lunch meeting". The idea was to meet in civilian clothes, acting our Clark Kent roles, not real ourselves. Because it was going to be a chat with the aim of seeing how the chemistry worked and if we indeed had anything in common and so on.

Did I already say SCARY AS FUCK? :D

Yeah, we agreed on this and that, but still I wore my black g-string and carried my cockrings with me because I felt like it <3 And it was arousing <3

The first meeting - ever

One early June afternoon, if I remember correctly, I set out and walked towards the meeting point. We were using kik to actually find ourselves, as we hadn't shared any face photos or anything for obvious reasons. We met, introduced ourselves (myself simply just Jossu which was damn hot and again, scary). She drove us somewhat further away and we went to sit down next to the boat harbour or piers or something, next to the water anyway.

After the slightly awkward early not-that-important chitchat we got to some more real stuff. I'm kinda ashamed to admit that I wasn't the one who first ventured into the naughty subjects... but that's how it goes sometimes. In short: we had a nice, good long chat on a nice warm summer afternoon and it felt good. I don't know if you know how weird it was to tell about all these things I write about pretty freely, but boys and girls, it was damn weird. But also arousing because I was telling something very intimate to someone who shared similar desires and fantasies.

She dropped me off just about where I was picked up, and along the way she "confessed" she was wearing. And I said that I had my black g-string on because I wanted to wear them for the occasion :3 At the dropoff when we said goodbyes she at the last moment laid her hand on my thigh, I looked into her eyes and just smiled :)

When walking back to work I thought to myself "why the fuck didn't I move her hand on my bulge? Fuck!" These things happen to me a lot, sadly, not just in sexy cases but everywhere. I told about this thought of mine to her in a chat later on and she said, that she had also longed for a Touch but... there's always the next time ;)

So what?

The real result of this was that we started planning a real meeting. A lesbian meeting. Oh yes...

And we did get to some actual stuff, but I'll write about that the next time!

A couple of items I got

Hello everyone :) As I said in my earlier post, I did go for some quick shopping. Actually it was the same afternoon! Because I didn't have much time and the weather was awful, I could only visit one sex shop. One.
That shop had been a very good source of toys and outfits before but it had recently changed ownership. Somehow only the outfit racks were noticeably affected... to a slightly worse status.

Shopping round going wrong
So I went to the shop and strolled around, as shyly as always. Somehow, even if I know that no one's paying attention to me because they have their own business to attend to, I feel shy. Shy and excited. Walking around interesting items and very nice looking sexy outfits turns me on visibly.

Yeah, I have a hardon most of the time, what can I do? :P There weren't many other customers anyway, so it didn't matter much. I kept going around, searching.

Naturally as I had composed my list just before, I knew what kind of stuff I was looking for. None of those exact items were findable! Absolutely none of them and this is one of the biggest sex shops in the city (I think). I was somewhat disappointed. No red sexy lingerie in the whole place. How can that happen? For real?

A fellow xdresser was around <3
During my wandering I noticed that someone came out of the "special" door in the back. Wearing a silvery vinyl miniskirt and a top, a curious hairdo and makeup. It didn't take too many milliseconds to realize that she was like me but in action. She went straight to some toys, close to where I was. She smelled of of lubricant and that got both my mind and blood racing :D Being my shy self I was admiring her from afar and after a way too short while at the toy rack she went back in.

I've never been there myself, though what I've heard and read it's a place where older men stroll around afternoon and younger people go in the evening. Among other things. Had I had the time (and the daring), I'd gone after her to see what she was up to. Looking at her disappearing ass I was wishing I dared to do the same, to dress up and go somewhere... But, in the end, I'm a shy coward :(

A hasty backup set
My time was somewhat limited so I couldn't stay there all day and I wanted, no, needed to get something. I went through the aisles again, looking for similar stuff that was close enough to what I had daydreamed about. Somehow they didn't seem to have a single set of corselets, which I found really confusing. None of the bodies looked hot to me, so I had to give up that part for now. In the end I found a small set that consisted of a black vinyl garter with straps and black long socks. Not bad, not bad. To accompany that set I went for a black thong. Black is almost as good as red, but it still isn't red.

The accessory department
I skipped the butt plug shelves completely because on my initial round I hadn't seen anything I really, really liked. So to the accessories I went. They had a few different types of cockrings. Some of those I had tried but disliked a lot for various reasons. Of course they didn't have the thing I had wanted, that'd been a bit too nice I guess :P In the end I decided to give a try to those triple rings. Three separate rings made of semirigid material. The one I had wanted would've had two so I thought that I could use two out of three and achieve the result I wanted, no? I got that so I can say I've tried.

These items I bought and took home with me. I unpacked them with trembling hands and took a couple of pics so I could share what I got. And then I tried them out :)

I felt good in the garter and socks, but the thong was a bit on the tight side for me... Which is a huge pity. Not that I keep them completely on for long, anyway ;) The rings weren't too bad, I just have to learn how to use them properly. There are a couple of photos I managed to take before I got carried away and made a huge mess on my body ;)


Someday I'll go and get some more lingerie to go with that garter of mine. And I guess I must get a new thong as well... I just hope and dream I'd get to wear them with someone. A someone who's also dressed up like a slut <3

New year, new plans and some old thoughts and feelings shared for the first time

Happy 2012, everyone!

Sadness
There are a couple of pics I took a couple of months ago but I haven't got the courage to post them yet. As I guess many if not all have experieced it, I went and Purged after that set of photos :( I have to clarify that I was in no way ashamed or regretful of what I am and what I do, the reason was purely practical: moving.

Being in a relationship and living in a not-so-huge apartment presents certain problems regarding my crossdressing. I guess you know how it goes :) So, because we're moving, I knew that I might end up being caught and I sure as hell am not ready for that yet. Maybe I never will be ready to come out.

That's the main reason. I don't want to get caught.
My secondary reason is that my outfits were a bit on the dirty side after many, many uses. The toys were also pretty much used and some of them broken... all my cockrings were made of this soft, stretchy material and each and every one of them have broken. I guess the way I use them is a bit rough on them :P And my only real dildo was a bit too big for me and I never got it in, so it was a bit of a useless item for me :(

Too much information?
I've said it before and will keep saying it: I dress up because I like it. I feel sexy as fuck and just thinking of putting on a g-string makes me hard as fuck, very, very quickly... Whenever I dress up, I prance around, ogle at my lingeried body in the mirror and enjoy it thoroughly. There's always some nice trans-porn (crossdressers, bisexual orgies and all sorts of transpeople together or separately) playing on the background, mostly for the sounds. Hearing people please each other while feeling and looking sexy myself is an even bigger turn-on. In a way I'm just building up my horniness.

Sometimes, when I feel like it, I take out my tripod and a camera for some photos. If I don't feel like the hassle, I just take a couple of pics with my phone. Somehow that also makes me hornier. A lot hornier.

This is all some sort of self-teasing I guess. Maybe others do stuff like this, maybe almost everyone. Maybe just a few of us. I wouldn't know :) It's all about building up the feeling, I want to be horny as fuck and look and feel super slutty.

The feeling I go for
If, at this point, I had someone there with me, I'd be up for just about anything... I'd beg for cock. I'd serve my master. I'd swallow his cum and I'd ride his throbbing cock with the greatest of pleasures. Damn, I'd be a slut for a bunch of guys!
Yeah, I desire to be a slut for a (small) group of guys. I know and acknowledge that this is purely from all the porn I've watched ;) You know how it goes, one in the mouth, then I have two hands and an ass, so four dudes could be somehow serviced at the same time <3 And this is one of the what I fantasize about when I'm dressed up, watching/listenting to some awesome hardcore porn. Either a group or just a single someone, a dude or another crossdresser or a real pre-op transsexual, I don't care who, as long as they or (s)he wants me. And who want me as badly as I want to be theirs for taking.

But...
Because I'm just playing with myself, I put on a cock ring, twist it so that it goes like a figure of eight, one loop around my ballsack and the other wrapping the shaft of my hard cock. The tightness feels wonderful and it arouses me even more. Then I get my toys and lube. I used to start with a thin anal buzzer with ~7 modes. Usually I had it on random. It was for extra arousal, and for "opening" me a bit. Meanwhile I was sucking on the dildo or the next anal toy, making it sloppy and ready for insertion. That was a small transparent penis-shaped thingy with a boring vibrator (it was just a solid "bzzz", without any programs or variation). That I used to fuck myself a bit, slowly and carefully.
At this point I am usually almost blind with lust and I can't really take it slowly anymore... Usually I just had to beat off furiously and come on myself.

Highlights
Sometimes I've managed to hold on. My latest toy was a black "anal screw", a ~12cm long wobbly carrot-shaped thing with screw-things (I don't actually know how to call them in english) on the surface and a ring-shaped handle in the end. That one loved to be drilled in slooooooooowly... and then pulled out just to be drilled back in. All the way. It felt wonderful. The only complaint I have is that it had no vibrator because it was a bit too soft (as in non-rigid) to be used as a dildo, because it bent so easily. So I couldn't fuck myself with it in a rapid fashion. If I got to keep doing that for a while, I occasionally came explodingly just because of it, without touching my dick at all.

Depending on how I felt and how stretchy I was feeling, I tried to go for some autofellatio. Seeing a hard cock in front of me, with a porny g-string and socks connected to a garter belt is a very, very hot thing.. even if it's my own cock and outfit ;) I'd of course love to have someone else's body, but what can you do in a closet? :P Autofellatio, when I've done it, has been pretty curious. Usually I just stroke it, fondle the balls, lick the glans, suck it and lick the shaft itself a bit. The position is just a bit uncomfy so I've never treated me to it that often. Depending on how I feel, I come either in my mouth - and swallow everything, of course - or on my face or chest. The more tired I am, the lower I shoot, because I may not be able to keep my position long enough. At least it doesn't get boring ;) Whenever I've shot my load on my chest/belly, I usually smear the cum around and keep stroking a bit, to milk every single drop out.

Endgame
When I've finally come, I generally lose the lust pretty much quickly. I don't know how to call it, but it's a shame it happens and usually so quickly and always way too soon. I'd love to just lie there, feeling full in my ass and satisfied... maybe keep at it for a second round even... But no, when the lust and horniness withdraw, I kinda want to get clean quickly. That may have something to do with the fact that I don't want to make a mess on the sofa, not to get caught of having sperm stains all around.
Maybe the next time I have a good free evening or a day even, I build up my sluttiness again and choose a better place (or cover up better) so I could enjoy the after-the-orgasm moments a bit more, in peace and with time :) But then again, I'd need new outfits and toys for that... many new outfits and toys... :D

Future plans
My old favourite porn shop in Helsinki (Beate Uhse) has closed its doors in its old location for some unexplained reason and I don't think they have moved anywhere else, so I don't have much hope for shopping there in the near future... And the others don't have as awesome a collection, though the Yellow Rose isn't bad at all, but it's still so different. Maybe Amazon helps me with its "this is a gift"-shipping and discreet boxes? I have to check :) I've got direct mail from a porn shop once and that wasn't fun at all.

A promise or two to be more exact
I'll promise to do my best to gather all my courage. To post a pic or two here. In case anyone cared, that is :) As my second promise I say that I'll update this blog a bit better this year <3