Generally
As so many other deeply closeted crossdressers, I do this stuff on occasion. I'm not a full-time crossdresser or anything, I can't be and that's how it goes. Dressing up is something I do because I love it and how it makes me feel. But I don't always even feel like dressing up even if I had the chance.Funnily enough when I write these posts and do anything online as Johanna I am and feel girly. Even if I do it at work where I most definitely don't wear my porny lingerie. Usually ;) Anyway, Johanna is a state of mind among other things. I kinda giggle by myself and so on. I'm not sure if I can even describe it, maybe someone does things that way and knows what I mean? I hope so at least :)
Anyway. My both sides are completely detached from each other as far as I can tell. My male-me doesn't giggle or do girly things. That's what Johanna does, she's that kind of a girl. And damn, she's a fucking lot naughtier than the other side! It's pretty amazing to realize :p
When the closet's door is shut
In my everyday male mode I don't think anyone could guess what I do on my rare free time. Or maybe I show up as a bright blip in someone's gaydar. Wouldn't know because no one's ever told me anything.Somehow I'd find it very interesting to hear what someone could say about me. For example, what a transgirl or a homosexual sees in my behaviour - if I betray myself (in a manner of speaking) by checking 'em out or anything. But I don't know anyone so I can't really go and ask. And if I knew, I don't think I'd dare to ask because that might give me out already. Damn, this is complicated! :p
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| This is definitely what I want to achieve! |
Sissyness and how it sounds to me
Do stop me if this is pointless and stupid, I don't mind and I realize that I have a habit of rambling on. My point is that I'm trying to sort my thoughts out and if someone wants to comment on it, please, feel free! I'm more than interested in hearing you out :) Some of these things I've already mentioned in my earlier posts, but that happens because I'm iterating through my thoughts and feelings. Maybe I get something new about something and the repetition gives the reader some context, if for some sick reason they hadn't memorized everything I say ;)Yay!
Ok, so sissies are submissive. That's how I feel when I'm dressed up, I want to submit myself.Slutty? Not all sissies are sluts, I think, but many are. Being a slut is something that arouses and intrigues me quite a bit, so yeah, that's a definite thing for me.
Hmm. Now that I think of it, is there anything else that I love in the sissy thing? Besides the obvious girlyness and the aforementioned huge turn-ons of mine... I dunno.
Meh
I think that the number one "I'm not too interested in that " part in every sissy thing I've read / seen is the enforced chastity, often with a cage. Yes, I do realize that for some or most sissies that's the thing but hey, it doesn't appeal to me. And I don't do stuff that I'm not interested in on my free time - I've got a job for that purpose :pOne other thing in this sissy business seems to be that the Significant Other knows about it and controls the sissy's sexual life or the lack of it. Obviously, being in a distant corner of Narnia myself, that's out of the question. So in a way I'm missing a huge part of the submissive part because it's just how I have to do things.
Results
I'm going to cherry-pick what I like and drop what I don't like. Ha! And because labeling people and their doings is a bit useless in this world of ours where everyone's different, I don't think it makes any sense at all. So in the end I keep doing what I do and I keep enjoying it, no matter what people call it. As long as I have fun, it's all cool, isn't it? :)So I'll dress up as I want to and if I get to play with other cd-gurls or even tgirls, it'll go how it goes - I refuse to do things I don't want to and I'll try to do things I'd love to do. Consenting adults and all that <3
Kisses to anyone who bothered to read this :*
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| Wish I looked this hot :) |
A beautiful soul, a sweet feminine gurl, a sissy who is torn inside, confused,.... like many of us. THAT is my impression of who you are honey.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean... when you are in 'sissy mode' you tend to giggle, and flirt online, you are sweet and sensitive (i cry LOTS - in both happy and sad versions of cries, my emotions so close to the surface). You feel so girly, and that is so different form your 'man' side.
i definitely see a huge difference in myself when im in sissy mode... but... i like it too. i try to push my sissy into my man life in many ways... wearing my panties under my boi clothes, sitting on a medium plug whether or not im being a sissy. i pinch my nippies ALL the TIME! (always pulling on them!)
Anyway, the point is... you are not alone, i identify with most of what you've posted here.
Except, for me? i think i may accidentally let some sissiness slip through sometimes. Whether i'm admiring a females clothes or hair or shoes... and i verbally complement them.... much like an envious girl.... i always wonder if anyone has picked up on my envy... and i both am excited and ashamed of that happening.
For me... humiliation has a lot to do with my sissy nature, so small exposures every so often... is re-enforcing, and titillating.
Hehe, i feel i could go on and on and on... but this is your blog, not mine --- i just wanted you to know that my own experiences are very similar, so there is nothing weird about you - well maybe weird, but certainly you are not alone, giggles.
**hugs tight and kisses your cheek, making sure not to smudge your makeup**
*blushes* Aw, thanks <3
DeleteI don't really know if I should/could call being "Johanna" my girly-mode or a sissy mode, but I guess I can decide myself and do as I feel :) Hihi :) I enjoy it a lot, it's wonderful... well, you know how it goes :)
Letting my girly side out while not being Johanna, like at work and so on? I don't really know if I do that accidentally. I haven't noticed at least, but who knows if it happens when I'm less concerned about it.
Humiliation is the thing I have the most problems with for some reason. That could be because I'm a comfortable person in general. Though in a way I'd love to be exposed as a cdgirl to someone - but in a "safe" way. If that makes any sense.
I guess it sounds more like a porn plot but being caught / or found out all dressed up that someone would just let me know that my secret is safe with him as long as... hihi, you get the idea ;)
Bah, don't worry about going on, that's why the commenting is open :) You feel like saying something, go ahead and do so :)
I know I'm weird in _many_ ways but it's awesome that I'm not alone and the only one :)
At this point this blog and social media in general is how I let myself out to people who like that sort of thing. But very cautiously, anyway, just in case. All this is important to me and it excites me, helps me :) Thank you, Nicolette dear for being around and being so nice to me <3
**hugs back tightly and gives a gentle, quick kiss on your lips just because**
Hihi :)