Complaining really helped

Wow! Complaining seems to have helped me. Things started moving at a scary pace and now I'm facing my short freedom. I could almost hold my breath until its beginning now!

Lingerie!

Of course I arranged some things, with care, so that I could pop by a couple of select boutiques over a couple of afternoons. Now I own lingerie again! Not just those black panties but a corselet, stayups and .. hm, a couple of other things. I even bought a wig from a costume shop! That doesn't make me look girly enough but that's life of a not-girly guy, right?

Once I had all my stuff (so far, mind you, I'm not done yet!) bought I managed to try them out. It was rushed and all but still, I was turned on so hard it wasn't even funny anymore. What I was could only be described horrrrrny as fuck <3 I wore my tight panties, the corselet, stay-ups and the wig. Mmmmmmh :)

A teaser

Now I just need to wait a bit so I get to enjoy all this with ample time, without any rush. And I'm gonna need some more stuff as I hinted before. Cockrings and two more toys at least. Then we're good to go for something at least. Oh, and t-porn, gigabytes of t-porn, there's no going around that requirement for good girly time ;) Maybe I'll even get a real (not a smartphone) camera handy... teeheehee :)

Some light at the end of the tunnel

I hope it's not a train

Worn-out jokes aside, just as I got the previous post done  -  at long last* - things got a bit clearer. Clearer and more positive from my point of view. Of course I still have to cross my fingers and wait, but now with much, much more hope than a few days ago :)

Changes

As I promised, you'd get to know when I got to know, as soon as possible. I may get my week of freedom and much sooner than I had expected. We're talking a timeframe of 4-7 weeks from this day on. It's late August now so at best I'm girlying for a week in late September already! At worst in October's darkness, but girlying anyway.

In a way later might not be that bad as it'd be easier to conceal a full slut-outfit under my everyday clothes. And that I would enjoy quite a bit, quite a bit indeed. But hey, we'll see!

95% chance of success

I'm not daring enough to call anything certain yet - until the last day. But things look pretty damn good in general. So good that the schedule is the biggest issue and the if part of everything is most likely not an if anymore at all.

When I know for a fact that this is happening I'll start setting up my shopping list (in my horniness it will never be finished or even reasonably sized XD). And if at all possible, I'll get some things bought in advance so I don't have to rush on my first gurlday. If that's not doable, I'll live, as the most important thing is already happening at that point.

What do I want?

To buy the first proper set in about four years. Then some toys to go with it. And most importantly: get some.

As I've said before, I'd love to get to play with another gurl. But us crossdressers are apparently a shy bunch and sometimes you hear some very positive things from someone but then they just fade away. There's not much I can do about that, so I'll just complain a bit. More, if said someone was looking yummy :p

When I know more about my chances I'll be able to try to get a good hold of someone for real and plan a bit :) Dunno if it's the horniness talking or if I'm feeling that sure, but I'm not being shy at all right now. I'd go and meet someone, another more or less closeted crossdresser, in full readiness to show myself in my slut's outfit <3 Not to mention what I'd be ready to do then <3

Backup options

In case no one's interested in me or is able to play when I could, there's always the plan B that I've also mentioned before. The gay sauna Vogue that I've already visited as my male self. Somehow that feels less scary than going to the "video area" of the Keltainen Ruusu.

That's something I've talked about with a gurlfriend. Why does a publicly and openly gay sauna feel less scary than a porn shop's fuck-corner with a mostly gay audience? We decided that because the gay sauna is just that, there's nothing left to guess, everyone knows what can go on in there even if you go there just to have a shower and enjoy sitting in the heat of the sauna.

But the porn shop is a different beast. It's not just for pervs and shadowy figures, normal people go there in open daylight (that fact alone may surprise some folks :p ) and that somehow scares me. The "normal" people maybe seeing me, someone they don't know, going to the cashier's asking to get to the sublevel... when everyone knows or guesses that "that guy's gonna suck dick or something lol". Maybe I am just a tad paranoid but that's how it feels.



* I had written the post a couple of weeks before but I just didn't get to press the publish button *blushes*

This is still not me, sadly

Uh-oh

My plans are not as secure as I had thought. We'll see how things proceed, but... I fear for them. Fuck this shit already, I want certainty, not endless yes-no-maybes!

Playtime at work

Yeah, I am a naughty girl and play at work, so what? ;) Last week I enjoyed myself immensely. I came to work wearing my panties. Then, as soon as there was a nicely quiet moment, I sneaked to ring and plug myself and take photos ;) Yes, I am teasing or trying to tease you and not showing any pics in the blog! >:)

Out of the eight hours I spent about six plugged in. I mostly chatted with other horny cds and cd lovers, listened to porn and all that stuff. Horny, hard and eager for cock.

Needless to say, I didn't achieve much work-related that day, but hey, we all have those days, don't we? ;) Before I left home I went and came like the old faithful itself. That was simply beautiful. It's just a crying shame I was at work so I didn't dare to cum all over my face and body but instead did it cleanly...

Yay! Found more Iodine

I thought I'd share this pot of gold with you, beloved readers :) I also got another nickname for the lovely Iodine: Bekki. Many of the pics here are repeats, but I want to share the full set I came across, in the name of completeness :)

The pix

Springy thoughts

Since the last post our guardians of the moral compass at google had turned their coats as if they were politicians. So yay! Porn blogs can stay and that's awesome :) My guess is that they feared all the bloggers and readers moving on to something that works perfectly with porn: Tumblr.

Myself

Not much has changed in my life lately, as you may have guessed by my slow, crawling updates. My week off didn't happen in the late winter / early spring, but it's looking more and more possible now. When? Autumn, that's when, if it happens. Summer won't be doable, nor winter. Still, it's not in my hands :)

I'm looking forward to that and as I said the last time, you'll know as soon as possible :) That would lead to shopping for slutty lingerie and new photos! My existing photos of myself in proper lingerie are now quite old, maybe even four years old at best - a few more at worst.

Of course I've taken pics of myself in just the g-string and panties I mentioned buying earlier. Those pics aren't just what I'd share here, they're not good enough ;) One great, wonderful, beautiful and sexy thing I've managed to achieve lately is: shaving my girly bits <3 I think I got there about two months ago now, at least. And I still haven't got used to the feeling! I keep caressing and fondling my smooth nutsacks... the feeling's just so good and wonderful.

Perhaps this is just silly and nonsensical blabbering to many of you, I wouldn't know. To me it's enormously important and it makes me feel both sexy and horny as fuck :) The perfect small things in life :)

Now what I need is a gurl to play with me if and when that week of mine happens for real. A gurl or two :) Not that I'm beyond going to Vogue or Keltainen Ruusu, either, but that's not quite the same I think. I have desires and I intend to take care of them one way or another.

Policy changes, fuck you google - again

Idiocy

I guess everyone heard already: google is applying some censorship on NSFW-typed blogger blogs. Why? Because that's what google seems to be doing, hiding tits from the interwebs because seeing nipples ruins your brains or something.

Oe noes! There's porn in the interveps!!111

I blame it on them being Americans and suffering a perpetual moral panic about nudity. There's nothing I can do about it except grumble and complain.

So, all in all, it's just another grand "fuck you" from Google, inc <3

New panties!

Panties!

As my black g-string has ended up being somewhat cummy, I thought I'd need a new pair *blush* Of course I tried to get whore-red ones, but luck wasn't with me. The next best thing was black and I took them just as eagerly. These new ones have a string of beads in the front, for the girls to enjoy between their lips. I use them as a cockring approximation <3 The fabric's lovely, soft and feels so good against my hard clit <3 Actually, I have to take playing easy to avoid cumming way too soon ;)

Sorry, still not showing my smooth but noticeable bulge to you here ;)

The winter solstice is near!

Whatever you folks feel like celebrating - or don't celebrate, it's all the same to me. The most important thing to me is the vacation. If it can be called a vacation, I'll be seeing relatives and such for a good two weeks, just about every day.

That sort of a "vacation" leaves little time for actual relaxation. Oh, how I love traditions :p Let's all enjoy the pretty and excited girl below, in any case! <3

See you next year, fellow wankers and tgirl fans :)

New possibilities, maybe

This will all be just speculation and maybes. You have been warned.

The difficulties of staying in the closet

I've complained plentily that I haven't got much, if any, time to play nowadays. There's no acceptably good hideout for lingerie and toys, either. Therefore I only own a single butt plug, cockring and g-string. Even they aren't in as safe a hideout as I'd like them to be.

While I'm talking about nonexistent hideouts, I'm talking about practical ones. Of course there'd be something near perfect, but then I would be facing the problem of hiding and unhiding my things and that wouldn't be quick. Thanks to the hideyness. And that would be even worse for my limited time to play gurly things.

An ancient photo of mine

Time is of the essence

Let's say that at best I could have something like 40 minutes to spend on this naughty hobby of mine, a random amount of times a month. Could be none, could be three, but incredibly rarely even five. So, very low numbers.

If I spent fifteen minutes to get my stuff from the perfectest of hideouts and drag it home, later on another fifteen to return everything back. In addition to that I would also need to set everything up, have my fun, undo and clean what needs to be cleaned. Everything else could be timed, I guess, except the playtime and doing that on the clock, thinking "I've got two minutes until I have to start packing up"... highly un-arousing, don't you think? ;)

So there: practically impossible. And it is quite depressing, not being able to be myself. I guess it's how it goes deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside the closet.

Another ancient photo of mine

Potential

Things are uncertain. Nothing is guaranteed. These declarations apply to life in general, as everyone knows, I guess. But still, maybe, maybe I have a whole week almost completely for myself next year!

Yeah, I know. Being happy about a semiopen week sometime next year is quite sad. But it's also the best I've faced in a handful of years. So I'll be most eagerly jumping in, if I can!

I guarantee you that if that happens, I'll get a full setup for myself. Even if I have to throw it all away after that maybe-week. It'd be so worth it and more :)

Planning already

My shopping list (that I have started setting up already) includes the usuals. A corselet with or without garters, a garter belt if needed, thigh-high stockings, a rio g-string if findable. Everything in whore-red. Or red-black, if needed. Or anything else, if it looks hot and delicious to me. This time I'd go for a wig, too, as my own hair isn't up to gurl standards by any measure :P
Heels are something I've never tried and finding a pair (in proper colour, size 42) would most likely be beyond my possibilities, but if I came across any, I'd get those as well. And a toy or three to go with them ;)

When would I know? I have no idea. Maybe by next week's Friday, maybe in May. But I promise you this: when I know, I'll let my friends online know ;) Even if I have to tell that "it's cancelled :<"

A revelation to myself

Mental, not physical revelations

It took me a good while to fall asleep one recent night. Maybe it was Friday, maybe Thursday, who cares? While I was just rolling around stupidly and trying to fall asleep, my brain just kept on working on whatever brains want to work on when they don't allow you to sleep like decent brains would.

Anyway, among a thousand other things I realized that I want to be a part of a gurltrain. I just made that word up, I guess, but it should be self-explanatory. A gurltrain is obviously a mantrain with t-girls, sissies, crossdressers and whatever other types of "girls with dangly bits" there are.

I haven't got the faintest clue if I would want to be the locomotive, the coal truck or the lonely train car in the back. All I know for a solid certainty is that I want to be there. Badly. That and eiffeling.

The sad thing is that I most likely won't get to be there, thanks to many things, of which my immeasurable shyness is maybe the biggest. And the absolute need of secrecy, which I guess is a major issue to all of us, the closet crossdresses of the known universe :)